why do the butterflies stop?  did i ever feel them at all?  my spirit grows weary.

 

excite me?

Sooooo wow. I  haven't updated this site in quite a awhile. Almost 3 years have whizzed by since my last post.  I guess with the whole myspace/facebook craze, xanga hit the backburner.  I was reminded of it the other night when I went out with some friends so I came on to have a looksie and the site was still here. I was kind of surprised, I thought for sure they would have deleted it or something.  As I read all of my previous entries I realized how much has changed and how different things are now. I craved to have this type of outlet again and so I think I will start to write again on here. 

It was quite an experience to read over how life was through the years I wrote on here and to compare it to life now.  I used this blog to sort out many of the emotions I was dealing with at the time.  Starting college, breaking up with my ex, the best summer of my life, transferring colleges, etc.  I haven't written all that much the past few years and I have to say I miss it a lot.  I forgot how good it felt.

Reading my past entries led me to think about how many different choices and decisions I have made over the past few years. I wonder now how things might have been different if I made different choices.  I finally graduated college last year and have been searching for the right job.  To say the least, it hasn't been easy.  I majored in a field that is very hard to find a steady job and with the recession going on, entry level positions are nowhere to be found.  Everyone is looking for 5 years+ experience.  I also feel it's not exactly the most rewarding work, designing logos and websites.  I enjoy it, but I don't think its what I want to do with the rest of my life.  Unfortunatley I didn't think of that sooner.  College was an awesome experience, although very confusing.  I must have had about 5 majors.  I just couldn't decide. 

I've had a year now to think about my future without all the pressure of schoolwork and deadlines and so on.  I was able to really think about some options that might make me happy.  I substituted in school for a year and ultimately decided teaching wasn't right for me.  After weeks of searching online for other options I happened upon a program for becoming a sonogram technician.  I became really excited about it because it combined two of my natural skills and qualities: technology and compassion.   They also make a pretty good salary which is awesome. I'm a techno nerd and love working with computers (hence my decision to finally major in computer arts)  and I love working with people, especially people in need.  So I'm pretty excited about this prospect and have already started applying to the program in a few schools.  Hopefully all goes well and I get accepted.  It took me a little longer than most to find something I think I might be good at, but I truly do think I've finally found it.

The funny part is that one of the schools that offer the program is St. Francis.  Which brings me back to my thoughts on the decisions I've made in my life.  What if I had never transferred out of St. Francis? Would I have happened upon this opportunity sooner?  Who knows.  All I know is everything usually happens for a reason and the decision I made to transfer at the time was for the best.  I hate to admitt it but one of the reasons I had transferred was to get away from my ex.  He attended the school and the thought of having to see him and his friends in the halls everyday made me cringe.  The whole experience was hard enough, I didn't need it to haunt me afterwards.  St. Francis was way too small to avoid him.   Although if I had never transferred I wouldn't have had all the amazing experiences I had at Brooklyn College, so I certainly don't regret it.   It's just funny to think about.  If I do get into the program, going back to St. Francis will definitely be a strange experience.  I had to go to my high school to get some transcripts and that experince alone was so bizarre!  It was so strange being back in that building. Even though I only stayed on the first floor, a flood of memories entered my mind that I had completely forgotten about for years. 

Well anyhoo, before I write a book I'll end here and hopefully will continue to post again another time.